Q: ...almost like it's possessed. It is one of the most annoying things in my life.
A: My printer does that sometimes, too. I am pretty sure it is just calibrating. Every time it is turned on it needs to calibrate. Every time before it prints, it needs to calibrate. But since your printer is different, it may be just constantly calibrating. If you don't like it you have 2 choices 1) Buy a new printer 2) Just keep your printer off until you need to use it I hope I helped.