I just got a new laptop which has NO dial up port, I guess you call it a telephone plug?

Q: how in the heck am I to use it on my moms dial up? (I have DSL so I am not worried about me, but its a laptop, and she lives in the boondocks and has only dial up, no WiFi either. anything I can buy to make it work? (besides a case of beer and scratch my head thinking, she doesnt drink either so I will be on my own darn here she is such a ) help please! thanks

A: I would suggest a case of beer and I will bring a pizza and we can nut it out together.

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